The Office (American Version) Season 2 Spec Script
by palioc33
Summary: (Takes Place after the "Take Your Daughter To Work Day" Episode) Michael has bought a new phone system for the office. The only problem is that they don't have the money. Michael is now forced to defend himself from the criticism of his employees.


The Office Spec

(End of Season 2)

by

Corey Valerio

Corey Valerio

coreyvalerio22

INT. THE OFFICE - RECEPTION - DAY

Pam walks in the door and sits down at reception. On her keyboard sits a present and a card.

Pam opens the card.

Jim, at his desk, notices Pam smiling as she reads the card.

PAM BEESLY

Awwwww.

Pam sets down the card, picks up the box, and unwraps it.

BOOM. Confetti explodes everywhere. Startled, Pam nearly falls out of her seat.

Michael jumps out of his office wearing a birthday hat and blowing a party horn.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Surprise!

PAM BEESLY

What the hell was that?!

MICHAEL SCOTT

It's a surprise.

JIM HALPERT

What's the surprise?

Michael stares blankly for a moment.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Surprise! It's your birthday.

JIM HALPERT

I think she knows it's her-

MICHAEL SCOTT

Just, ssshhhhuuuuutt it.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Jim sits against the wall talking to camera.

JIM HALPERT

Yes. Today is Pam's birthday. She tries to keep it low key.

(beat)

For obvious reasons.

INT. THE OFFICE - DAY

At reception, Michael tries to put a birthday hat on Pam; she resists.

JIM HALPERT (O.C.)

Some people take it a little too seriously.

Having gotten the hat on Pam's head, Michael blows the party horn directly into her ear. Pam is less than pleased.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Back to Jim

JIM HALPERT

I won't say who, but... some people.

INT. OFFICE BUILDING - HALLWAY - DAY

Pam stands in the hallway talking into the camera.

PAM BEESLY

Yes, today is my birthday. I'm not gonna say which one.

(smiles)

But I'm excited about this one.

INT. THE OFFICE - RECEPTION - DAY

On her computer, Pam scrolls through a website for the band, THE SAVAGES. It's the tour schedule for the band.

PAM BEESLY (O.C.)

My favorite band is finally coming to Scranton.

Pam points at the screen, showing the date the band will be in Scranton.

PAM BEESLY (O.C.)

I've been looking forward to seeing them for a long time.

INT. OFFICE BUILDING - HALLWAY - DAY

Back to scene.

PAM BEESLY

Dropped quite a few hints. So hopefully a certain somebody will be taking me.

Pam smiles at the camera.

Suddenly, Pam's smile turns to a frown.

PAM BEESLY

No Michael.

Michael appears next to her blowing the party horn and attempts to put the birthday hat on her head. She resists, but Michael is persistent, and Pam finally caves. Michael places the hat on Pam's head and blows the party horn in her face. Pam sighs.

CUT TO OPENING CREDITS

INT. THE OFFICE - DAY

Dwight sits at his desk sorting and separating a bag of cat litter into gray and blue piles. Jim looks on curiously.

JIM HALPERT

What are you doing?

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

What does it look like idiot?

JIM HALPERT

It looks like you're sorting cat litter.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Congratulations. You have eyes.

JIM HALPERT

Why are you doing that?

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

None of your business.

Dwight coyly glances at the camera.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Dwight sits against the wall talking into the camera.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

I was 2 minutes late picking up my girlfriend. This displeased her. As punishment she is making me prove my worth by filtering out the blue pellets in her cat litter.

(beat)

Her cats are very picky.

INT. THE OFFICE - DAY

Back to scene.

JIM HALPERT

I thought you didn't like cats.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

False. I like any animal that can be trained to be obedient.

JIM HALPERT

You can't train a cat.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

I can, and I have. All it takes is patience, confidence, and a brain. 3 things in which you are lacking.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Dwight sits against the wall, talking into the camera.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

I have trained many animals. Cats, dogs, mongooses. Once, I even got a colony of Ants to form a straight line.

INT. THE OFFICE - DAY

An asian man in a suit, DON WAKAMATSU, walks in and places a briefcase on the reception counter.

PAM BEESLY

Can I help you?

DON WAKAMATSU

I have an appointment to see Mr. Scott.

PAM BEESLY

One second.

Pam picks up the phone and dials.

PAM BEESLY

(into phone)

Your 10 o'clock is here.

(beat)

Michael?

Behind Don, Michael jumps out of his room.

MICHAEL SCOTT

New phones!

Michael walks up to Don.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Good to see you again.

DON WAKAMATSU

The pleasure is all-

Michael turns to the office.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Everybody, I'd like your attention. This is Mr. Walkamutsa...

DON WAKAMATSU

Wakamatsu.

MICHAEL SCOTT

And he is a salesman for a really cool company called Syncly.

DON WAKAMATSU

Syncia.

MICHAEL SCOTT

They sell really cool phones.

DON WAKAMATSU

Network Communication Systems.

MICHAEL SCOTT

(to Don)

Alright. Come on.

Michael jogs into his office. Don slowly follows him, while Jim gets up and walks over to Pam.

JIM HALPERT

Didn't we get new phones last year?

PAM BEESLY

Yes.

JIM HALPERT

So why is he-

PAM BEESLY

I don't know.

INT. THE OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

Jim and Pam are standing next to Oscar's desk. Oscar scrolls through his computer.

(Beat)

OSCAR MARTINEZ

April of last year we made a payment to Bellcross Communications for $1,200.

PAM BEESLY

That's it.

JIM HALPERT

I knew it.

Jim looks at Michael in his office.

JIM HALPERT

He wouldn't buy another phone system again would he?

No response from Pam or Oscar. Jim turns around wondering if they heard him. They stare at him waiting for him to get it.

JIM HALPERT

You're right. Never mind.

PAM BEESLY

Someone's gotta go talk to him.

Pam glares at Jim.

JIM HALPERT

Oh come on. Where's Angela? Isn't this her specialty?

OSCAR MARTINEZ

She's out sick today.

JIM HALPERT

Of course she is.

INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - DAY

Michael laughs hysterically. There is a KNOCK at the door. Jim opens the door.

JIM HALPERT

Hey. Do you have a second?

MICHAEL SCOTT

I'm busy with a client.

JIM HALPERT

It'll only take a few seconds.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Well then it can't be that important if it only takes a few seconds. Call me when there's an emergency.

JIM HALPERT

It is an emergency. A sales emergency, and I need your expertise to help close the deal.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Michael follows Jim into the conference room. Pam and Oscar sit at the table.

MICHAEL SCOTT

What's going on?

PAM BEESLY

Hey Michael. You're not buying a new phone system are you?

MICHAEL SCOTT

What?

(to Jim)

I thought you had a emergency?

JIM HALPERT

I do. This is it.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Pam's not a salesman.

PAM BEESLY

Michael, we already have a perfectly fine phone system.

OSCAR MARTINEZ

And we don't have it in our budget this quarter to spend that much money. We're already over budget from buying supplies for the cinco de mayo party that corporate cancelled.

MICHAEL SCOTT

That wasn't my fault. And you don't even know what it does.

JIM HALPERT

It's a phone system. Pretty sure we know what it does.

INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - DAY

Michael sits at his desk talking to camera.

MICHAEL SCOTT

I'm at a sales convention last week, and I meet this gentleman who shows me this really cool phone system. And it has all these really cool features. It was even used in the new bond film. Is it expensive? Yes, but what people don't realize is that there are some things in this world that are so valuable that they become priceless.

Michael thinks for a second.

MICHAEL SCOTT

A Milli Vanilli autographed cassette tape. A baseball signed by Michael Jordan. And a $1,800 James Bond phone system. That's priceless.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Back to scene.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Pam, you use the phones more than anybody. Don't you think it's time we get into the 21st century with our phone system?

PAM BEESLY

No Michael. Our phone system is fine just the way it is.

OSCAR MARTINEZ

And most importantly, it's not in the budget.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Fine. Fine. Fine. I won't get the new phone system.

JIM HALPERT

Thank you.

MICHAEL SCOTT

But what am I suppose to say to Mr. Walkamutsa?

JIM HALPERT

Wakamatsu.

MICHAEL SCOTT

God bless you.

PAM BEESLY

Just tell him you aren't going to make a decision today and that you will call him and let him know what you decide.

MICHAEL SCOTT

And what will I decide?

PAM BEESLY

Really Michael?

MICHAEL SCOTT

Ok. Ok. I'm going.

Michael pauses briefly to glare at Jim, then smugly goes on his way.

Confused, Jim looks into the camera.

INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

Michael enters and shuts the door behind him.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Sorry about that. Duty calls.

(sits down)

Where were we?

DON WAKAMATSU

I had just finished showing you our entry level packages.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Yes, about that. I appreciate you -

DON WAKAMATSU

I don't think I've shown you our executive packages yet have I?

Michael's eyes light up.

EXT. ANGELA MARTIN'S HOUSE - DAY

Camera moves through some bushes in front of a window and zooms in through an opening in the drapes.

Inside is a small living room decorated with fancy antiques.

ANGELA MARTIN (O.C.)

No! Bad dog! No! Sit! Sit down! Put that down!

(beat)

Let go! Let go Buster!

Angela grunts in frustration.

Angela walks out of a back room and slams the door shut. She picks up a phone off the table and dials.

(Beat)

ANGELA MARTIN

This isn't working out. You need to come and get your dog.

Angela paces back and forth; clearly agitated.

ANGELA MARTIN

No. No. I'm not- That's not true.

(beat)

Hey, I'm doing you a favor ok. Well...well what am I suppose to do?

Angela sits down on the edge of the couch.

ANGELA MARTIN

I can't wait till then. You'll just have to cancel and come back now.

(beat)

I will take him to the pound. I will do it.

(beat)

No, you're acting crazy.

Angela throws the phone across the room.

The phone SMACKS against a cat; the cat groans.

ANGELA MARTIN

Sprinkles!

Angela runs over to console her cat.

INT. THE OFFICE - DAY

The door to Michael's office opens. Don and Michael walk out.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Thank you for stopping by.

Michael waves to Don as he walks out.

Pam, Jim, and Oscar stare at Michael; waiting.

Michael slowly paces over to Oscar. He reaches in his jacket and pulls out a piece of paper.

MICHAEL SCOTT

(sotto)

Can you process this order?

Pam walks out from behind reception.

PAM BEESLY

Michael Scott. You did not just buy a new phone system!

Michael refuses to respond.

PAM BEESLY

Michael?!

MICHAEL SCOTT

Yes. Alright. I bought it. But he offered us the executive package at the entry level price. What was I suppose to do?

PAM, JIM, OSCAR

Say No.

Kevin responds late trying to join in the group.

KEVIN MALONE

Say No.

Kelly sits on Ryan's desk.

KELLY KAPOOR

Wait. What's going on?

OSCAR MARTINEZ

Michael just bought the office a new phone system.

KELLY KAPOOR

Oh cool.

PAM BEESLY

No. Not cool Kelly.

KELLY KAPOOR

What do you know Pam?

Kelly steps down off the desk and stands in an aggressive position.

KELLY KAPOOR

Ohhhh look at Pam. Soooo special. You answer phones all day. Go get a real job.

Ryan holds Kelly back.

KELLY KAPOOR

No Ryan. Don't stop me.

RYAN HOWARD

Kelly please.

Kelly stands down.

KELLY KAPOOR

(to Pam)

You're lucky.

INT. THE OFFICE - BREAKROOM - DAY

Kelly stands against the counter looking into camera.

KELLY KAPOOR

Lately I've been really bored at work, so rather than wait for something dramatic to happen, I create it.

INT. THE OFFICE - ANNEX - DAY

Toby sits calmly in his desk chair. Kelly is in a fury of anger around Toby, yelling and throwing stuff off Toby's desk. Then she storms off.

KELLY KAPOOR (O.C.)

It doesn't matter who, what, or where.

Toby turns to camera with his droopy sad face. His work space is completely trashed.

INT. THE OFFICE - BREAKROOM - DAY

Back to Kelly

KELLY KAPOOR

I don't even remember what Pam was talking about.

Kelly smiles at the camera.

INT. THE OFFICE - DAY

Back to scene.

MEREDITH PALMER

I don't get why it's such a big deal. It's just a phone.

PAM BEESLY

It is a big deal Meredith.

Dwight stands up from his desk.

DWIGHT SHCHRUTE

Whoa whoa whoa. I think we're all forgetting one tiny little thing here; Michael is the manager. He is our leader, and we must respect his decisions whether we like it or not.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Thank you Dwight.

DWIGHT SHCHRUTE

Whether it's right or wrong.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Ok.

DWIGHT SHCHRUTE

Whether it's smart or dumb.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Alright.

DWIGHT SHCHRUTE

Even if it's incomprehensibly stupid I expect you to follow along blindly as he leads us into bankruptcy. Got it!?

MICHAEL SCOTT

That's enough. Thank you Dwight.

PHYLLIS VANCE

I agree with Dwight. It's Michael's decision. He's the manager. We should respect his decision.

Puzzled, Jim looks at the camera.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Phyllis sits against the wall talking into the camera.

PHYLLIS VANCE

Last week I put in for a raise; doesn't hurt to do some brown nosing.

Phyllis smiles at the camera.

INT. THE OFFICE - DAY

Back to scene

PAM BEESLY

How did he get you to buy the phone? We agreed not to buy the phone.

MICHAEL SCOTT

I changed my mind.

JIM HALPERT

You mean he changed your mind.

MICHAEL SCOTT

No. No. I made the decision. He even offered to let me wait a few weeks if now wasn't the right time.

PAM BEESLY

Then why didn't you take it.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Because he gave me such a good deal.

JIM HALPERT

Wow. He's good.

MICHAEL SCOTT

What?

JIM HALPERT

He got you to buy a product you didn't need and couldn't afford. And he got you thinking it was a good idea.

DWIGHT SHCHRUTE

Michael, you've been had. He's a con man.

MICHAEL SCOTT

No. I would know if I've been conned.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

No. You wouldn't see it coming. Trust me.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Dwight sits against the wall talking to camera.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

I met a man on the side of the road selling raccoon meat. In conversation, he says he is also selling a very rare item - the claw of big foot - naturally I was interested. He returns from the back of his truck with a bag. He tells me to wait till I get home to open it. When I get home, I open the bag and find a live cat inside.

(beat)

The cat provided me and Mose with meat for 2 weeks. Moral of the story: "Cat's have more meat than you'd think." So, lesson learned.

INT. THE OFFICE - DAY

Back to scene.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Michael Scott doesn't get conned, Michael Scott does the conning.

JIM HALPERT

Prove it.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Prove what?

JIM HALPERT

Sell Mr. Wakamatsu something.

MICHAEL SCOTT

That's ridiculous. I'm not going to-

JIM HALPERT

Because you're scared.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Michael's not afraid of anything.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Thank you Dwight.

(to Jim)

And I would, Jim, but he's already gone.

PHYLLIS VANCE

Actually he's over at Vance Refrigeration right now in a meeting with Bob.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Phyllis sits against wall talking to camera.

PHYLLIS VANCE

I forgot I'm suppose to support Michael.

(smiling)

Oh well.

INT. THE OFFICE - DAY

Back to scene.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Alright fine. I'll do it.

JIM HALPERT

Why don't you bring Dwight with you too since he's got experience with this.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Alright, come on Dwight.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Yeah!

Michael and Dwight excitedly exit.

INT. VANCE REFRIGERATION - DAY

Dwight and Michael enter Vance Refrigeration. The office appears empty. A man, ERIC, appears from a doorway across the room.

ERIC

Can I help you gentleman?

DWIGHT SHCHRUTE

Where is he? We know he's here?

ERIC

Excuse me?

MICHAEL SCOTT

Dwight! Stop it.

(to Eric)

Is there a salesman here?

ERIC

There are lots of salesman here. I'm a salesman.

MICHAEL SCOTT

No. I mean is there a phone salesman here?

ERIC

Mr. Wakamatsu? He's in a meeting with Mr. Vance at the moment.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Can I speak with him for just a moment.

ERIC

I'm afraid not. Mr. Vance does not like to be interrupted when he's in meetings.

DWIGHT SHCHRUTE

Do you know who you're talking to?

ERIC

No.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

This is Michael Scott. Manager of Dunder Mifflin.

ERIC

Ok.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Ok. Dwight.

(to Eric)

Can you just let Mr. Walkamutza know that I need to see him as soon as he is done with Mr. Vance.

ERIC

Will do.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Thank you.

Michael and Dwight turn to leave.

ERIC

Have you heard about our new deluxe mini fridge released this month?

Michael and Dwight stop and look at each other.

INT. THE OFFICE - RECEPTION - DAY

Pam sits at reception typing. Roy enters the office hiding something behind his back.

He creeps all the way up to Pam before she notices.

ROY ANDERSON

(holding out present)

Surprise.

PAM BEESLY

Oh my gosh.

ROY ANDERSON

Happy birthday babe.

Pam runs around reception and hugs Roy.

ROY ANDERSON

Open it.

Pam excitedly rips open the present.

PAM BEESLY

(hint of sarcasm)

I wonder what it could be?

She opens the box and pulls out... a new button down shirt. Pam's smile fades.

ROY ANDERSON

It's that shirt you said you liked the other day. From the mall.

PAM BEESLY

Yeah, I know.

ROY ANDERSON

Do you not like it?

PAM BEESLY

No, no I do.

ROY ANDERSON

Because I can return it.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Pam sits against wall talking to camera.

PAM BEESLY

I guess I can wait till the next time The Savages are in Scranton Veterans Memorial Auditorium.

Pam deadpans stare into camera.

INT. THE OFFICE - RECEPTION - DAY

Back to scene.

PAM BEESLY

Thanks.

Pam hugs Roy. Then slowly walks back to her desk.

ROY ANDERSON

I gotta get back downstairs. Don't worry. There's more to come later.

Roy sensually smiles.

PAM BEESLY

Ok.

Pam forces a quick smile to Roy as he leaves.

Jim sees Pam is disappointed and begins typing on his computer.

On his computer screen, the Craigslist website loads. He types in THE SAVAGES.

Behind Jim, Michael and Dwight enter - each carrying a mini fridge in their arms. Jim notices them enter.

JIM HALPERT

How'd it go?

MICHAEL SCOTT

Can you open my door please?

Jim stares at him a moment. Michael gestures towards his door.

Jim rolls his chair over to Michael's door and opens it. Michael holds his head high as he walks in. Jim smiles as Dwight hangs his head and follows Michael into his office.

INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - DAY

Michael sits at his desk drinking a Mike's Hard Lemonade and talks to the camera.

MICHAEL SCOTT

It feels good, stepping back into the selling game.

Behind Michael sits the mini fridge. The door opens and Dwight pulls out a Mike's Hard Lemonade.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Like a sales legend getting back into the ring.

Dwight shuts the door then inserts the lid into the automatic opener on the front of the mini fridge.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Up there with Gordon Gecko, Steve Jobs, Bill Gates-

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Billy Mays.

MICHAEL SCOTT

(turning to Dwight)

What? No.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

(doing best Billy Mays impersonation)

Billy Mays here.

MICHAEL SCOTT

No. Not at all.

(beat)

Willy Loman. Death of a Salesman.

INT. THE OFFICE - DAY

Jim sits at his desk focused on his computer screen.

He grabs his cell phone and walks towards the front door.

Pam, on the phone, watches as Jim leaves.

INT. OFFICE BUILDING - HALLWAY - DAY

Jim holds the phone up to his ear.

JIM HALPERT

Yes. I was calling about the tickets.

(beat)

Are you available now?

INT. THE OFFICE - DAY

Jim walks in and grabs his coat off the rack.

PAM BEESLY

Going somewhere?

JIM HALPERT

Yeah, I have a sales call; almost forgot about it. Shouldn't be gone too long.

PAM BEESLY

Ok. Good luck.

INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - DAY

Dwight stands next to Michael's desk.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

I don't know why I can't have my jacket off too.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Just... because. I need to look intimidating. You don't.

There is a knock at the door. The door opens and Pam enters.

PAM BEESLY

Dwight you have a call.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Pam we're kinda busy in here.

(beat)

Who is it?

PAM BEESLY

She only would give one name. Kitty.

Dwight instantly perks up.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

I'll take it at my desk.

INT. THE OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

Dwight, at his desk, picks up the phone. (He speaks softly during the whole conversation.)

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Hey Monkey. What's up?

(beat)

Well I don't know what you-

Phyllis leans in a little trying to eavesdrop.

Dwight senses her and turns away.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

I can't. I have an important meeting with Michael. He needs me.

(beat)

I can't just-

(beat)

Ok. I'll be there.

(toughening up)

I said I'll be there.

Dwight calmly hangs up the phone. He looks behind him to see if Phyllis is still listening.

Phyllis returns to her work on her desk.

Dwight nervously rocks back and forth in his chair.

He takes a deep breath and grabs his cell phone.

INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - DAY

Dwight bursts into Michael's office in a panic; his cell phone up to his ear.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

(overacting)

No! Oh my gosh. I don't believe what you're telling me. It's literally unbelievable. Hold on one second.

MICHAEL SCOTT

What's going on?

Dwight places his hand over the phone.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

That's Mose. He says Ethel is having an emergency C-section and things aren't looking too good.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Oh, that's terrible.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Yes. Yes it is.

MICHAEL SCOTT

What hospital is she at?

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

She's not. She's in the barn behind the house.

MICHAEL SCOTT

What? Why? Call an ambulance.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Can't.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Why not?

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

They don't allow goats at the hospital. Believe me I've tried.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Oh god.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

I know. I gave them her healthcare ID card and everything, but they wouldn't-

MICHAEL SCOTT

Just go Dwight.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

What about the sales pitch?

MICAHEL SCOTT

I'll find somebody else. Just go.

Dwight smirks at the camera.

EXT. STREET - DAY

(Camera views Jim through a car window.)

Jim pulls his car up to another one in a mostly empty parking lot.

A young girl with tattoos, CARRA, gets out of the car.

Jim gets out of his car.

JIM HALPERT

Carra?

CARRA

Yeah.

JIM HALPERT

Thanks so much for meeting me.

Jim hands her a wad of cash.

Carra inspects it. Then hands him the tickets.

CARRA

Why do you want to go see The Savages?

JIM HALPERT

Oh. They aren't for me. They're for a friend. She's gonna love them. Thanks.

CARRA

I hope she's a girl.

JIM HALPERT

(confused)

Yes...she is.

INT. THE OFFICE - DAY

Michael walks out of his office.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Everybody, I need a volunteer to make a sales pitch.

STANLEY HUDSON

To whom?

MICHAEL SCOTT

A client Stanley. Do you want in or not?

STANLEY HUDSON

Not if it's the gentlemen who was in here earlier.

Michael stares at Stanley. Then he turns his gaze to Phyllis.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Phyllis?

PHYLLIS VANCE

Split commission 50/50?

Michael turns to Pamela.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Pam?

PAM BEESLY

No Michael.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Does nobody want to help me?!

Kevin walks out from his corner.

KEVIN MALONE

I'll help you Michael.

Michael stares at Kevin for a beat.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Anybody? Anybody at all?

Jim walks in and puts his coat on the rack. He walks up to reception when...

MICHAEL SCOTT

(running up to Jim)

Jim. Jim. Jim. I need you to take over for Dwight for the sales pitch.

JIM HALPERT

No.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Come on. There's nobody else willing to help.

KEVIN MALONE

I'll help you Michael.

Michael stares at Kevin for a beat.

MICHAEL SCOTT

(to Jim)

I will give you the rest of the week off.

JIM HALPERT

No.

MICHAEL SCOTT

I will give you an extra 10 minutes for your lunch break.

JIM HALPERT

(confused)

No.

MICHAEL SCOTT

(surprised)

Come on. He's going to be here any minute.

(beat)

Ok. Ok. I will reinstate the Cinco De Mayo party that I promised you and corporate cancelled.

MEREDITH PALMER

(excitedly jumps up from chair)

YES!

Everybody in the office perks up at this news. Toby stands over by the water cooler.

TOBY FLENDERSON

Oh, Michael. You can't do that.

MEREDITH PALMER

Shut up Toby!

MICHAEL SCOTT

I will reinstate the Cinco De Mayo party and everybody is invited EXCEPT Toby.

Jim looks at Pam; a smile glowing on her face. She nods to Jim.

JIM HALPERT

Fine.

Michael claps his hands.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Excellent.

Michael runs into his office.

JIM HALPERT

(to Pam)

You owe me.

PAM BEESLY

Thanks.

Jim is about to say something when Michael sticks his head out of his office.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Come on.

Jim plods over to Michael's office.

EXT. ANGELA MARTIN'S HOUSE - DAY

Dwight knocks on the door. (Beat) Angela opens the door in pajamas.

ANGELA MARTIN

What the hell took you...

Angela notices the camera crew behind Dwight. She straightens up.

ANGELA MARTIN

(restrained)

Can I talk to you for a second?!

Dwight looks back at the camera confused; then enters. Angela quickly shuts the door.

ANGELA MARTIN (O.C.)

What the hell are they doing here?

DWIGHT SCHRUTE (O.C.)

What? They don't know anything.

ANGELA MARTIN (O.C.)

How could you possibly think this was ok?

DWIGHT SCHRUTE (O.C.)

They said they wanted to follow me. What was I suppose to say? No? That's more suspicious than letting them come.

ANGELA MARTIN (O.C.)

UGGGGHHHH! I can't stand you right now.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE (O.C.)

Just go out there and talk to them and explain why I'm here.

ANGELA MARTIN (O.C.)

Why should I have to clean up your mess?

DWIGHT SCHRUTE (O.C.)

Please pumpkin. They have no idea anything is going on between us. Do you want them to get suspicious?

EXT. ANGELA MARTIN'S HOUSE - DAY

Angela stands in front of her door talking to camera. She is fully dressed in her work clothes.

ANGELA MARTIN

My cousin is on vacation this week and I was having a little trouble taking care of her dog. And Dwight - my coworker and very nice gentleman - offered to come and help me. That's all!

Angela annoyingly glares at the camera crew.

INT. MICHAEL'S OFFICE - MOMENTS LATER

Jim slouches in the chair across from Michael's desk.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Dwight and I had a whole plan set up - ready to go - and it would be great if you could just step in and...

JIM HALPERT

What is it?

MICHAEL SCOTT

What?

JIM HALPERT

The plan?

MICHAEL SCOTT

We are going to con him.

JIM HALPERT

Con him?

MICHAEL SCOTT

Yes. We gain his CON-fidence and then he does whatever we want.

JIM HALPERT

Sounds like you don't need me.

MICHAEL SCOTT

It takes a team to con somebody, Jim. Haven't you seen Ocean's 11?

JIM HALPERT

And how exactly do you plan to con him?

Michael turns to camera.

MICHAEL SCOTT

(impersonating Marlon Brando)

I'm gonna make him an offer he can't refuse.

Michael turns back to Jim.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Al Pacino. Scarface.

JIM HALPERT

I...don't...think...

There is a knock at the door. Pam peeks her head in.

PAM BEESLY

Mr. Wakamatsu is here.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Ah. Yes. Please show him to the conference room.

Pam nods and leaves.

Michael gets up and starts jogging in place.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Are you ready to do this thing?

JIM HALPERT

What are you doing?

Michael starts stretching... incorrectly.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Getting psyched up. Are you psyched?

JIM HALPERT

No.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Come on. Are you psyched?!

JIM HALPERT

Can we go?

Michael stops stretching.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Yes.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

Michael and Jim walk in. Jim sits down opposite Don at the conference table. Michael walks over to the window and stares out.

(Beat)

DON WAKAMATSU

Is something wrong?

MICHAEL SCOTT

(keeps staring out window)

I'm worried. I'm worried about your business. You were so generous and helpful to me earlier. I just want to return the favor.

DON WAKAMATSU

Oh, that's not necessary Michael.

Michael turns, walks over to Don, and sits down.

MICHAEL SCOTT

I've been in this business for a long time, and I've seen many sales people come and go. Right Jim?

JIM HALPERT

(unconvincingly)

Yyyyesss.

MICHAEL SCOTT

I know you must use a lot of paper; and I'm willing, right now, to give you an amazing offer if we become your sole paper provider.

DON WAKAMATSU

That's very generous Michael, but I just don't use that much paper.

Michael scoots his chair uncomfortably close to Don. Don leans as far back in his chair as he can.

MICHAEL SCOTT

(soft and comforting)

Look. I know everything there is to know about the paper business. Everything. For instance, did you know that a small business that uses paper increases their profits by 25%?

DON WAKAMATSU

Uses paper or a paper supplier?

MICHAEL SCOTT

I don't know.

(scooting in even closer)

Look, I have something I think you're gonna want to see.

(to Jim)

Open the binder.

Jim opens the binder and flips it around to show Don.

MICHAEL SCOTT

No. Not that page.

Jim flips to another page.

MICHAEL SCOTT

No. Not that either.

JIM HALPERT

I don't know what-

MICHAEL SCOTT

Show him the thing.

JIM HALPERT

What thing?

MICHAEL SCOTT

The thing.

JIM HALPERT

Our shipping rates? I don't...

MICHAEL SCOTT

No, no, no.

DON WAKAMATSU

Actually, I'd like to see those.

MICHAEL SCOTT

No. You don't want to see that.

(to Jim)

Go to the " _special client page"._

Jim flips through the booklet.

JIM HALPERT

I don't know what you're talking about.

MICHAEL SCOTT

The _SPECIAL_ client page.

Jim is completely lost.

DON WAKAMATSU

(standing up)

Ok. I have a lot of appointments to get to.

Michael stands up in his way.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Hold on. Hold on.

Michael steps in real close to Don.

MICHAEL SCOTT

What can I do to get you into some paper today?

DON WAKAMATSU

Look. I appreciate everything you're doing. But...

MICHAEL SCOTT

If you appreciate it then do me this honor of helping you out.

JIM HALPERT

Michael, he's just being nice.

Annoyed, Michael glares at Jim.

MICHAEL SCOTT

(to Jim)

Can I talk to you outside for just a second?

Jim gets up and walks towards the door.

MICHAEL SCOTT

(to Don)

We'll be right back. Please don't go anywhere.

INT. THE OFFICE - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER

Jim closes the kitchen door behind him.

MICHAEL SCOTT

What's your problem?

JIM HALPERT

I don't know what you want from me.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Jim, I told you, we are gaining his confidence. This is a _CON_ job. So I want you to _HAVE_ confidence.

Jim doesn't know how to respond.

MICHAEL SCOTT

You know what your problem is?

JIM HALPERT

What?

MICHAEL SCOTT

You don't have any confidence. That's why you aren't with Pam.

JIM HALPERT

What does that have to do with anything?

MICHAEL SCOTT

It has to do with everything. I have confidence and I almost had him right there at the end.

JIM HALPERT

You did not.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Yes I did. I have a seventh sense for these kinds of things. He is very interested.

JIM HALPERT

No he's not.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Ok Mr. Hot Shot, if he's not interested then why is he still here?

JIM HALPERT

Honestly, I have no idea why he's still here.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Don stands talking to the camera.

DON WAKAMATSU

Michael bought 2 dozen of my most expensive systems, and signed a 10 year maintenance contract.

(beat)

For the same phone system he has now. He single handedly filled my quota for the month.

INT. THE OFFICE - KITCHEN - DAY

Back to scene.

MICHAEL SCOTT

You know, I thought you had confidence. That's why I recruited you. Now, do you want to help me con this guy or not?

(Beat)

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Michael sits back down in his seat.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Sorry about that.

Across the table, where Jim was sitting, is Kevin Malone.

MICHAEL SCOTT

So what I want to show you-

DON WAKAMATSU

I appreciate what you're trying to do, but I just don't use enough paper to warrant signing on with a supplier.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Yes, but maybe you should-

DON WAKAMATSU

Michael, the only paper I use is for my marketing material. I print and prepare a dozen or so custom pamphlets a day and then mail them off in the morning before going out on my sales meetings. Maybe once a month I'll stop by the store to pick up some more.

KEVIN MALONE

Why?

DON WAKAMATSU

Why what?

MICHAEL SCOTT

Kevin. Please.

KEVIN MALONE

Why do you go through all that trouble prepping and mailing off that stuff.

DON WAKAMATSU

It's called marketing.

KEVIN MALONE

Yeah, but why don't you get a service to do that for you.

DON WAKAMATSU

To print my own logo and marketing material; and ship it to prospective clients? Doesn't exist.

MICHAEL SCOTT

See? It doesn't exist. Let's move on.

KEVIN MALONE

Yes it does.

DON WAKAMATSU

I've done my research. I haven't found anybody in the area who provides that service.

KEVIN MALONE

We do.

MICHAEL SCOTT

No we don't Kevin.

KEVIN MALONE

Yes we do Michael. Corporate bought out a small printing and distribution company last quarter to expand our services. I've been trying to tell the sales staff for months, but nobody listens to me.

DON WAKAMATSU

You can do all that?

KEVIN MALONE

Yes. You just give us all your stuff and we'll prep, and ship everything.

Don ponders this information.

INT. THE OFFICE - DAY

Michael, Kevin, and Don exit the conference room. Michael shakes Don's hand.

MICHAEL SCOTT

(loud so everybody can hear)

Thank you Mr. Wakamatsu. We greatly appreciate your business.

DON WAKAMATSU

Thank you.

Don walks towards the door. Michael waves goodbye to Don.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Oooooooohhhh yeah! That's right. Michael bested the best salesman that bested me.

OSCAR MARTINEZ

Congratulations Michael.

Michael runs over to Oscar.

MICHAEL SCOTT

What's that? What did you say?

OSCAR MARTINEZ

Congratu-

MICHAEL SCOTT

I'm sorry what?

OSCAR MARTINEZ

Congratulations Michael. You're the best salesman.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - DAY

Kevin sits against the wall talking to the camera.

KEVIN MALONE

I don't mind Michael taking the credit. I just wanted to help him make the sale. That's why I made up that service. We don't actually do any of that. I don't normally condone lying to customers.

(comes to realization)

I wonder what's gonna happen when he finds out we don't do any of that?

(beat)

Oh well. I guess that's why I'm in accounting. Best to stick to what you're good at.

EXT. ANGELA MARTIN'S HOUSE - DAY

Through the window we see Dwight and Angela standing in Angela's living room. The dog, Buster, is standing on two legs.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Spin.

The dog spins around still standing on two feet.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Sit.

Buster sits.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Down.

Buster lays down on the ground.

DWIGHT SCHRUTE

Good boy.

Dwight bends down and pets Buster. Behind Dwight Angela cannot contain a large smile.

INT. THE OFFICE - DAY

Pam sits at reception.

Jim watches Pam. He open the drawer on his desk, pulls out the tickets, and sets them on his desk.

Jim stares at them as he nervously taps his fingers on the desk.

He grabs the tickets and walks over to Pam's desk.

JIM HALPERT

Hey.

PAM BEESLY

What's up?

JIM HALPERT

So I know it's your birthday.

And I know that-

The phone rings. (Beat) The phone rings again.

JIM HALPERT

Are you gonna answer that?

PAM BEESLY

Oh. Yes.

Pam picks up the phone.

PAM BEESLY

Dunder Mifflin this is Pam.

(beat)

Oh hey Dwight.

(beat)

Yeah. He got the sale.

(beat)

I don't know. You'd have to ask Michael what the commission split is.

(beat)

I don't know.

(beat)

Ok. Goodbye.

Pam hangs up the phone.

JIM HALPERT

So since it's your birthday...

Behind Jim, Michael appears with a cake and lit candles. Everybody is following him.

EVERYBODY IN OFFICE

Happy birthday to you. Happy birthday to you.

Pam's face lights up. Jim is annoyed.

EVERYBODY IN OFFICE

Happy birthday dear Pam. Happy birthday to you.

MICHAEL SCOTT

Make a wish.

Pam walks around reception and blows out the candles.

MICHAEL SCOTT

What did you wish for?

PAM BEESLY

I can't tell you. It won't come true.

Roy walks into the office behind Pam. He walks up to Pam and taps her on the shoulder.

ROY ANDERSON

(holding out a pair of tickets)

Happy birthday baby.

Pam turns to see the tickets.

PAM BEESLY

Are those...

ROY ANDERSON

Yep.

PAM BEESLY

Oh my god!

Pam jumps in Roy's arms.

Jim slips his tickets into his back pocket.

PAM BEESLY

How did you know?

ROY ANDERSON

You've only been whining about them for months.

Jim walks back over to his desk as everybody walks to the conference room for cake. Jim tosses the tickets on his desk and slouches into his chair.

Kelly and Ryan stop at Jim's desk on their way to the conference room.

KELLY KAPOOR

What's that?

JIM HALPERT

Those are concert tickets...to The Savages this weekend.

KELLY KAPOOR

Oh my god. Are you serious? They're like the best band ever. I asked Ryan weeks ago to get me tickets but he waited and they're all sold out now.

JIM HALPERT

Do you want them?

KELLY KAPOOR

Are you being serious right now?

JIM HALPERT

Yep. I was gonna go with a friend but she had a change of heart.

KELLY KAPOOR

Oh my god Jim. I would love you forever.

Jim hands her the tickets.

KELLY KAPOOR

(to Ryan)

Yeah! Now you can take me out this weekend.

Kelly wraps her arms around Ryan and hugs him.

Ryan forces a smile.

INT. THE OFFICE - NIGHT

Streamers hang from the ceiling. Music blares.

Oscar, Stanley, and Kevin chat it up by reception; plastic cups in their hands.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - NIGHT

A Mexican mariachi band plays in the corner. Meredith grinds up against the guitar player as she dances with a glass of alcohol in one hand.

A bar is set up in the corner of the conference room; Michael pours shots for Jim and Pam.

Phyllis dances with Bob Vance.

Creed dances a weird dance; alone.

A sign on the wall reads "Cinco De Mayo".

INT. OFFICE ANNEX - NIGHT

Toby sits alone at his desk eating a turkey sandwich. We can hear the mariachi band in the background.

The door to the kitchen is duck taped shut with a sign taped to it: "DO NOT ENTER".

As Toby sits alone, the lights shut off.

THE END


End file.
